last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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