I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
