i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
