i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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