No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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