okay pat passed out under dana's car
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he puts the penis in happiness.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
