you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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