If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
