My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
