I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
