I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Small penises have feelings too.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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