He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
