i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
