whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Be still, my beating vagina.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
