Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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