just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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