im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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