Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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