Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
