oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
