My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
