And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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