drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
