Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
