the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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