i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
