I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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