I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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