Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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