Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
