first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
