um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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