Betty ford says i'm here all night
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
