The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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