Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just invented taco cereal.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just want to make out with him forever
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
