I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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