So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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