Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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