Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
