So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
