I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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