Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
