The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
