she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
