I think I won the penis lottery.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
