dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
