Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
