He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
