I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
