Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
