So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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